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WATCH OUT FOR SANE QUESTIONS 3-15-03 The fact that America may shortly be bombing a backward nation, killing men, women and children in my name, infuriates me. It is insane and drives me insane. Just because the world goes crazy doesn't mean you have to. But it does help. Surely you have heard people muttering everywhere you go, "Man, are these not some crazy times?" Be careful. Even that statement is sane. Lately I have been bombarded by sane thoughts. The alleged wisest man who ever lived said, "There's a time for all things," but this is not a welcome time for sane thoughts. Just the other night I bolted upright in the bed at three in the morning with the thought, "Would there be a war with Iraq if the TV networks refused to carry it?" That would just swirl all the glory right down the drain. Clearly it's a mismatch so the networks could justify their decision. It would be like a 15 round bout between Mike Tyson and Strom Thurmond. They only show the flashy stuff anyway. Hundreds of re-runs of the same missile going down the same chimney. They don't show the inside of the building where men, women and children are plastered on the walls in tiny pieces. Another sane thought chases me down about twice a day: Since North Korea does have nukes that can reach our west coast and has threatened to use them, why not deal with them first? The CIA does know where the silos are located, don't they? Who knows, they might find Osama hiding in one of them. It wouldn't hurt to check it out, would it? I mean $25 million in reward money hasn't smoked him out so he must be in a hole halfway to China. Or Miami. Speaking of China, why is it we bounce them on our economic knee, hold them to our breast and burp them, and ship our jobs over there while we cuss Castro? Are there good and bad kinds of communism? Just asking. It does hit me as a sane question. . With the recent tax cuts for the wealthiest and possibly the biggest deficit in history expected this year or next year, why not abolish Congress to help balance the budget? They have given up all constitutional powers that ever amounted to a hill of beans, like the power to declare war. All the place is fit for now is to breed candidates for president. So far, every one of them would make Millard Fillmore and Calvin Coolidge look like balls of fire. While we're on the subject of a pussyfooting do-nothing congress, why not board up the Democratic Party, too? Special interest money has neutered both sides of the aisle but it looks like the democrats have found a neurologist with a bargain basement price on group lobotomies. A tiny mouse could jump out and say "Eek! Eek!" and they'd faint. The American memory is not exactly awesome so I am certain we have forgotten all about the Gingrichian idea of term limits. I am for half-term limits. Once they are there long enough to learn which windows the pies are in, the gig is over. They lose all ability to think, reason and debate. Half terms might be too long. A better plan would be to allow tourists from each state to serve one day while seeing the sights in Washington. It would raise the IQ of congress considerably and add the rare element of common sense. Meanwhile, I just dropped an arm and a leg at a gas pump. Why not speed up research on alternate fuel sources? Try to find cars that will run on hot air and pipe it in from Washington. Or a combination of hot air and bull biscuits. That way we can single source it. A final sane question: Would any country in the world ever attack Iraq for any reason at all if there was no oil there? Is it really the sand we want? Then let us attack Sand Mountain in north Alabama. But expect stiff resistance. |
