1-5-03 Side Streets, Kimra Traynor Herb
The SAT Test Tells the Story
By Kimra Traynor Herb
IPS Features
Right from the
start- from the first time I took the ACT and the SAT tests, I knew I was doomed
to a meager living in the great world of the arts. My scores were so low in the
math area of the tests that my guidance counselor beseeched me to take the tests
again. "Something must have gone wrong- you surely couldn't have scored
nearly perfect in all the arts and near the bottom for math." I knew
better, but I took the tests again. I did worse in math the second time around,
and my guidance counselor threw up his hands and begged me to consider teaching.
Since I didn't particularly enjoy children, I pondered over whether I should be
an English major, an art major, or a music major. Deciding that English was the
most lucrative path to follow (and believe me, I was not misguided, I knew I'd
be eating dirt if it weren't for my successful hubby-to-be), I plunged into my
studies with a great degree of success; wowing the professors with my glib pen
and ability to absorb novels in a single evening. Thrilling as this academic
world was, it wasn't the "real" world, and when the time came, I took
my less than thrilling job as a newspaper editor in a small town paper.
All the while,
though, I kept thinking that somewhere out there was the perfect job for a chick
like me. I have a lot of hidden talents- ones that well, though I don't like to
brag about, could come in handy for a successful career one day. One of my
hidden talents is my penchant for fast food. I really like the stuff. And, I
think, I have rather a discerning taste bud for the products which flood the
market of drive-through diners. So imagine my disappointment when I discovered
that the job of
"drive-through gourmet"
had already been spoken for....... another man had assumed the coveted role of
driving through and tasting new fast food products at fast food restaurants
everywhere. Darn the luck. But yesterday, I saw on the news that I may still
have hope in finding the job which addresses one of my secret talents- smelling.
Like my mother,
I have an incredible nose. It comes in handy for sniffing the kids to see if
they have been sneaking Doritos before meals, or for finding dog pee on the
carpet. Not many can boast such a sniffer- my husband continues to be amazed
that I can identify any smell and locate its source within seconds of my first
sniff. I don't like to brag, but my nose is really quite remarkable.
So, naturally,
when I saw the story on the news that car manufacturers are hiring "sniffers"
to make sure that their vehicles smell fresh and "new carish", I leapt
to my feet. "I could do that!" I shouted to my husband.
The story showed
a woman sniffing the glove compartment, the seat, and even the dashboard. To my
eye, she didn't have the gift. She shrugged, and then moved on to the next area
of sniffage. Had I been the chief snifferoo, I am sure I would have been able to
shout out, "too much plastic smell here" or "add a touch of
leather smell to this seat, please" and other appropriate comments which
would help the car manufacturers immensely and would garner me big bonus and
raises on a constant basis.
There is only
one problem. The story didn't give any particular manufacturer to contact, nor
did they indicate that this "Chief sniffer" job was one that would be
advertised soon in the local paper. I am also unsure as to how to address my
great sniffing prowess in my resume, short of coming right out and bragging
about it; which I am loathe to do- 99.9% of the population being so olfactory
deficient to my powers.
I am not giving
up though. I am pretty sure that time, this job will come through for me. After
all, I live in a city which boasts several nearby car manufacturers. I know that
at any time, they will begin their city wide search for the sniffer of all new
cars, and I'll be there, ready to step up and fulfill my destiny.
I always knew
that my meager living in the great world of the arts would come to some great
ending when my hidden talents were brought into the light of the world and
allowed to shine. Now........ all I have to do is keep checking those classified
ads.
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