11-17-01, Side Streets, Kimra Traynor Herb, 934 words
For Love of the Indians
By Kimra Traynor Herb
IPS Features
My eighty-eight
year old grandmother and my husband have several things in common. A: They both
root for the Cleveland Indians during baseball season; B. They share a love a
big beefy burger, and C. They are both going completely out of their minds crazy
because of a satellite system.
This whole
situation began when my grandmother moved to an assisted living facility in my
town. It seemed like the ideal set up- she'd be close so I could run errands for
her, and take her to church each week, and when my mom and aunt were in the
area, we could all get together for a nice meal. Things were looking bright
until we realized that the facility, though lovely to look at and boasting many
amenities, lacked the one thing that my grandma treasured most: good television
reception.
Now, for most
eighty-eight year olds, the four or five channels that come in clear would
provide plenty of viewing hours. Not so for my grandma, who is a sports
aficionado and spends a major portion of her television time watching games. She
watches almost every sport; football (proclaimed her favorite), basketball, both
women's and men's, college and professional, and baseball. So when she got all
settled in her lovely pink floral room, and turned on the television for the
first time........
“MERCY!"
She cried, "There are hardly any channels! And no ESPN 2, and no ESPN
News!"
This was indeed
a calamity. Keep in mind that my grandmother thinks that my mother is OUT OF HER
MIND for forsaking her satellite dish in order to save some money. Grandma has
repeatedly offered, almost feverishly, to pay for my mom's system if she would
just have the good sense to take her up on her offer. My mother, who prefers
gardening and household chores to "soapies" as my grandma calls them,
has repeatedly refused Grandma's offer.
Back to
Grandma's own distressing television situation- it seemed that although cable is
unavailable in the remote area in which she resides, the perfect solution was to
get her a satellite system of her own; one on which she could view as many
sporting events as she liked; a system which would allow her a crystal clear
view of her "soapies" and provide hour upon hour of entertainment for
her. It seemed easy enough; my mom called the Direct TV people who promised free
installation, free equipment.......nothing could be easier. Except that.....
when the installation dude arrived, he took one look at the facility and
announced that not only could he NOT set up a system at her residence, but that
it was virtually impossible for anyone to, and Grandma should consider the case
closed.
I just don't
even have to tell you how badly that went over...... I imagine Noah greeted the
news of the upcoming flood with more grace and with less than sorrow than my
grandmother did when she found out she was going to have to watch fuzzy CBS and
have no ESPN News...... forever. My husband quickly assured Grandma that he,
himself, would install the system and never fear..... she would have that
promised access to all channelkind.
That was more
than five months ago. Since that time, my husband has logged probably a good 200
hours or so trying to get this system to work. It seems strangely affected by
the time of the day and by the weather, and for no reason that Direct TV, the
local electrician (whom we cannot even get out there to look at the system) nor
my engineer husband can figure out, will not show anything other than the local
channels between the hours of noon and five p.m. Before and after those hours;
she has total access. On cold days, she can watch any channel any time...... but
let the day heat up and......
"MERCY! IT
HAPPENED AGAIN!" She yelps into my ear on the phone. I do not know
what to do. I pass on the info to my husband who is fraught with frustration,
not at my grandmother, for he shares her pain on this subject; but at his
inability to figure out WHY this is happening.
I hear him
mumbling about it in his sleep. His dreams are filled with cable wires and
connectors and receivers; all of which he has replaced, rewired, and reevaluated
over and over again.
Both my
grandmother and my husband, are going slowly out of their minds over this
situation. Both are becoming ever more worried that there will never be a
resolution; and that this satellite system nightmare will plague my grandmother
til the end of her days, which, she reminds us often, had better be soon if she
isn't going to have continual cable. I, for my
part, try to focus on the bright side of things, which is, I guess, that CBS has
come in fuzz-free for the duration of the project. Of course, I am not the one
who is without ESPN News during peak heat hours, nor am I the one sweating in
the attic while trying to find the source of the problem.
I am hoping that
the light at the end of this tunnel is that all this time spent together venting
their frustration has formed an even tighter bond between my hubby and my
grandmother. And then when resolution to the problem comes (I hope I hope I
hope) they can enjoy a good laugh remembering the days....... over a big beefy
burger and while watching an Indians game on ESPN 2.