12-9-01, Side Streets, Kimra Traynor Herb, 836 words
Learning about the Family Thing
By Kimra Traynor Herb
IPS Features
My oldest son is
starting to realize that this family gig is a long term deal. "Grandma and
Aunt Glenda are coming down tomorrow," I tell the family, "and we are
going to take Great-Grandma out for lunch."
"Did you tell them that you wanted to go?" My eldest
inquired, probably wondering why on earth I wanted to spend an afternoon with
the Grandma squad.
"No," I replied, "But that's okay, I don't mind going."
"But," He persisted, "Was it like this, did they call you and
say, 'do you want to come' or was it just expected?"
I tried to figure out what he was driving at. "I guess it is
more or less just expected that I WOULD go; my being family and so near and
all......"
He put his hands to his face and moaned. "You guys ALWAYS force me to do
"family" things....... I thought there would be an end to it one
day......now you are telling me that when I am THIRTY EIGHT" (he said this
number like it was 'one thousand') "YEARS OLD I will still be FORCED to do
things against my will?!!!!"
"You could always move far away from your mother," My
husband offered, "like I did. That seems to be working out pretty
well."
I shot my husband a look. The look said: "under no circumstances are you to
encourage our sons to move far away from us----- EVER---- ".
"Yeah, you're pretty much doomed; you will have to be at your mother's beck
and call forever." My husband admitted to my son, who was still looking
horrified at the prospect of a life sentence of familial duty.
When you are fourteen, as my son is, with your whole life stretched out in front
of you..... the last thing you want to think about is an afternoon at the
Pickadelli Cafeteria with your mother and your grandmother. The last thing you
want to think about is ANYTHING with your mother and grandmother, but especially
that. "Don't worry," I tell him, putting my hand gingerly on top of
his spiked dark hair, "I won't force you to do TOO much when you get
older."
"What about now?" He asked, "Will you stop forcing me to do
everything NOW?" His most recent beef is that during the past several weeks
we have "forced" him to go with us to see first Monsters Inc, and then
Harry Potter. Our logic behind requiring his presence was that once we got him
in the movie theater, loaded him up with popcorn and soda, he would enjoy the
movie so much that he would forget that he was there as a prisoner rather than a
willing participant. "I am so sick of little kid movies." He
stated.
I wanted to argue that he was still a little kid....my little baby, but logic
told me how well a comment like THAT would go over, so I held my tongue. I did
say, "When I was a kid, Grandma and Grandpa forced me to do everything with
the family."
"Yeah, and you aren't bitter." My son quipped, causing us all to
laugh. Later that night, my husband and I were getting ready
for bed and he dropped a bomb on me: "You know," he said, "Maybe
he's right. Maybe we SHOULDN'T force him to do everything with us."
If my hubby had suddenly sprouted three extra heads and started speaking in
French, I could have not been more surprised. I thought we were a united front
in our desire to keep our little family intact! I told him as much.
"What," I asked, "are you talking about?!"
"I am talking about freedom." He replied. "Remember when you
wanted it? Maybe we should start giving him the choice of whether or not he
wants to do everything with us."
"No choice on church." I demanded.
"Of course not..... I am not talking about EVERYTHING..... just, well, you
know, things like movies with the family and that sort of deal." He
answered.
"Can I put some pressure on him?"
My husband gave me the eye.
"Can I at least present the choice to him in such a way that he feels
terribly guilty if he decides to decline?" I questioned.
The hubster pondered that for a moment, and then agreed, "I guess that
would be okay. After all, we WANT him to be with us, we just don't want for him
to HATE having no choice at being with us."
My son is unaware at these behind closed doors procedings, and will be shocked
the next time the newest rated "G" movie comes out and we do not drag
him kicking and screaming out the door with his younger brothers. Of course, if
I have my way, my shameless guilt inspiring "it's your choice honey"
followed by big doe eyes and perhaps a sniff should get him in the theater with
us, say, until he is at least thirty nine years old.