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Kimra Traynor Herb
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MAMA DON'T DO MATH

Yesterday, my girlfriend Alicia took her six year old daughter for a "girls" day. The two of them were going to shop, and then cumulate their activities with a manicure at the beauty salon. Meanwhile, since Alicia's six year old daughter has a six year old twin BOY, I volunteered to keep her son with mine while the girls frou-froued it up. While the GIRLS were busy with beauty makeovers, the BOYS were busy in the woods, digging for disgusting bugs and worms and then taking them to the tree house to examine. I'll admit, I was extremely jealous that not one time in my almost sixteen years of parenting, have I been able to experience a "girls" day.

"Girls" day around here means taking our girl dogs to the vet. We just don't have an abundance of estrogen- it is testosterone ruling this home of three boys and their dad. And most of the time, I am fine with that..... except on "girls beauty day" which never, ever happens around this joint.

For the most part, I have been bitterly tirading about the lack of female bonding since I became a parent. My boys know I love them fiercely and I would happily rip the arms right off any little girl who dared hurt their hearts, but they also know that I wonder aloud why God thought it would be a good idea to keep me without a daughter.

A couple of days ago, I found out why. I was watching television with my six year old son, and a commercial came on the TV. You know, one of those "public service" type ads that urge us all to be better people- to quit smoking, to avoid drugs, to read to our children- that kind of deal. I watched the commercial unfold, and then the words were uttered: "MOMS! It is your job to keep your daughters interested in math. Did you know that at the age of 12, most girls start thinking they are no longer good at math?

Did you know that most high school girls say that they find math hard? This is your responsibility as mothers to show your daughters that MATH IS FUN! MATH IS EASY! And most of all, that you yourself are GOOD at math and use it every day. This will help your daughter to secure a better job in the field of math and sciences when she grows up."

HOLY SMOLY!! Now it had become crystal clear to me why I had never given birth to a daughter. God, in his infinite wisdom knew that that particular task would be IMPOSSIBLE for me! Ask me anything else! Have my quote Shakespeare, while standing on my head! Get me to solve a deep personal problem- no big deal. But MATH? FUN? EASY? These words are not in my vocabulary.

Then I thought back. When I entered high school, I was still considered the top of my class for math. After all, I had won that fourth grade multiplication bee. And then it all changed, in a blink of an eye called........ Algebra I. I had enrolled in the honor's class because, after all, I was a self-proclaimed genius. And up to that point, math had never been a problem at all. Up to that point.

This was no math that I had ever seen before. Why, this math had LETTERS in it. And THEORIES revolving around it. And PROCESSES to complete it! It was, in a word: horrible. I hated it. My father repeatedly had conferences with my algebra teacher, who didn't mince words telling my dad that his little girl was a dummy when it came to the higher math world.

"I am sure she is good in other areas." The teacher encouraged, when my dad refused to believe that I just wasn't getting it.

It never got easier. College calculus was like one of those horror movies, where the whole thing is blurring together into one endless nightmare. When I managed to pull a "C" out of that sucker, I felt like I had won the Noble Peace Prize.

So........ encourage my daughter to LOVE math? I  am a woman who only can balance her checkbook because the great advances in technology which have brought us our friend "Quicken" for the computer. I rely completely and wholeheartedly on any math homework my boys are having difficulty working upon my husband, who really does, though some quirk, UNDERSTAND AND LOVE math. As do my boys, praise God! They ACTUALLY LOVE MATH! And they are good at it; even the trigonometry and all of the formulas, quotients and problems what would have been enough to send me drooling in a corner for a month.

So, although I may have to schedule those nail appointments for one, I don't have to have the pressure of feigning an interest in a subject that bores and frustrates me to tears. 'Cause, as I tell my boys when they are waiting for their father to come help them figure out a theorem of some sort: "Mama don't do math."