5-14-02, Side Streets, Kimra Traynor Herb
I Really was once a Kid
By Kimra Traynor Herb
IPS Features
I used to be a
kid. Really, I did! So, given the fact that at one time the person who is me was
NOT a middle aged mother, but a teenaged, well- mess- I try to be pretty
understanding and cut my two teenaged sons a lot of slack. 'Cause it's not easy
being a teen, you know? And to be honest, when my two older boys set off for
Orlando last week for a six day band trip, I knew they weren't going to come
back with everything in their suitcases. I EXPECTED that they would lose,
misplace, or destroy the clothing items of the most value sometime before the
bus returned them safe and sound to their loving (and understanding) mommy.
I was right.
When they returned home, I began the dubious task of sanitizing the sweating
mounds of clothing which had replaced the neatly folded shirts and shorts I had
sent with them. Naturally, I was not surprised to note that my youngest son had
lost the newest shirt in the suitcase. I WAS surprised, however, to note the
addition of many new articles of clothing.
Let me explain.
My thirteen year old is a five foot seven, husky sized young man. The clothing
which had found its way to my laundry room was apparently from a four foot tall,
60 pound fellow with quite the opposite build of my son's. A pair of tiny
flannel pants, a small pair of gym shorts, a microscopic t-shirt and a miniature
bathing suit all were in my son's suitcase.
"Whose are
these?!" I asked my son, holding up the small bathing suit.
He looked me
dead in the eyes. "Mine." He replied.
"Yours?"
I squeaked. "They are not your size! I've never SEEN these things before in
my life."\
"I don't
know." My son shrugged his very broad shoulders (truly, only one of them
could fit into the small t-shirt I was holding), "The guys threw them in my
suitcase when we were packing; they said they were mine."
We went on like
this for a while until I forced my son to admit that just because his friends
SAID these were his clothes, didn't make it so. He promised to take the small
clothing to school and search out their rightful petite owners.
But it was in my
oldest's son's suitcase that I found the biggest surprise of all. There, nestled
among the collection of overpriced souvenirs which he had already admitted
blowing his money upon, was his travel toothpaste and toothbrush. There they
were, in all their bright and unused glory, still wrapped in protective plastic
from the store.
That's right,
they were unused. And yes, you heard me correctly, the band had been gone for
six days. Since my son wasn't home from school, I had to keep this tormenting
and horrible knowledge to myself. Well, of course I had to share it with
SOMEONE- so I called my husband. He was nonplused.
"Why does that surprise you?" He asked. "I am shocked that he
even took a shower."
Not the reaction
I was seeking. Nor was my son's undisturbed, "I wasn't sure where the
toothbrush was." answer when I screamed at him the moment he got off the
bus, "DID YOU NOT BRUSH YOUR TEETH THE ENTIRE TIME YOU WERE IN
FLORIDA????"
I groaned.
"Just tell me you bought a toothbrush while you were there."
"I wasn't
going to waste my money on a TOOTHBRUSH!" He seemed shocked at the
suggestion. This answer from the boy who had brought home a $15 lollipop which
weighed more than our small dog, Betsy. "Besides, Mom," he continued,
"NO ONE in my room brushed their teeth."
"You mean
to tell me that all of your friends went six days without brushing their teeth
either?!"
My
son shrugged and followed my husband's line of logic. "At least I took a
shower- some of the guys didn't even do that."
Urrrrrggggghhh.
I am supposed to preparing my children for a life on their own; an independent
and productive life as members of society; members who do not sport green teeth
and frightful breath. Taking a deep breath, I reminded him that IN THE FUTURE,
he would not be traveling on trips not chaperoned by me (I had once embarrassed
my middle son to death when I asked him if he had found his clean underwear in
front of some girls, so this threat is a HUGE one.....) unless he could manage
to hold to the barest conforms of hygiene, both DENTAL AND physical.
"Okay,
okay, I get the point." He sighed. "Gosh, I'll bet you were never a
kid."