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I have this friend, Kathy, who is bright, successful, talented and
hilarious. In short, she is the perfect pal- except for this one major
shortcoming of hers- she happens to be very good at athletic endeavors.
Normally, this wouldn't be a cause for alarm. 'Cause, just because I am,
well, less than spectacular when it comes to the physical realm of my
life, I am happy for my friends and family who do excel in that arena.
My brother and sister have been superior athletes all their lives. Was I
jealous? No. Did I want to don some cleats or sneakers and join them on
the field or court? HECK no! See, this is what Kathy doesn't realize- I
not only am not good at sports or sport related activities, I really
don't like to participate. I think what threw her off is all this exercise I am doing lately. For
the past couple of years I have been running, lifting weights and doing
situps like a mad woman. How to explain to someone who actually LIKES to
run that I do it simply as a means of burning enough calories to have a
piece of pie at the end of my meal? People like that don't understand my
logic. But the other day, the woman came up with the doozy idea of the
century. "Let's do a triathlon." She told me. She was all excited;
ready to o with this idea. "You run, right?" She prodded. "Yeah, but I HATE it." I wailed. "No you don't." She dismissed. (She didn't believe me!) "What else do we have to do?" I asked, dreading the answer
with all f my being. "We just have to swim, oh, I don't know, like 3 miles and ride
bikes for ten miles or so. COME ON!" She enthused, "It will be
FUN!" "I am not a good swimmer." I told her. "But you have a swimming pool!" She shot back. "But I just kind of, you know, lie around in it. I get on a float
and work on my tan- you know, non-strenuous swimming." "I can make you a good swimmer." She replied. And I have no
doubt this is true. The woman is fearless; she can accomplish any goal
she sets out to do- even one as monumental as turning a raft-floating
piece of fluff like myself into a chiseled swimming machine. This scared
me. "I don't get my hair wet." She looked at me like I just told her I was really a man. "What?
What did you say?" She asked, her eyes widening in confusion. "I don't get my hair wet. In the pool- well, most of the
time." "Why?!" She demanded. She was stumped by why any red-blooded
person would voluntarily keep their hair dry- in the POOL! "Because it gets all wet and strings down my back and makes me cold
and feels like worms." I answered, as if to say, "isn't it
OBVIOUS?" "Put it in a ponytail." She demanded. Her whole attitude said
that she had no time for such sissy complaints and whinings- she had a
triathlon to win here, people! "I MEAN IT, Kathy!" I shouted. "I REALLY REALLY don't
like to get my hair wet! A ponytail isn't going to solve my problems- do
you know how LONG it takes to get my hair dry when I get it wet? And do
you have a clue how BAD it looks when it gets wet and just dries like
that? Can you say 'limp red afro?'" "You just need to get over all of that." She dismissed me with
a shrug and went over to approach my hubby about her great new idea for
us. "Kimra?" I could here the incredulous tone of his voice all
the way across the room. "Kimra? My Kimra? In a triathlon? Don't
you have to swim in those things?" "I already told her I could teach her to really swim well."
Kathy explained to him. "That is no problem." "She doesn't like to get her hair wet." He told her. "So I have heard!" Kathy snapped. "She's just going to
have to get over that." My poor friend doesn't realize that this triathlon project is as
daunting to me as can be. I can no sooner imagine myself running full
tilt, biking like a crazy woman and swimming with my hair streaming down
my back like a bunch of worms than she could probably imagine herself
walking around in four inch heels and a full glamour make-up. Our worlds
just shouldn't collide like that. Still, she's a great pal and I guess
that if she is willing to do a trade off- say a week of nothing but
shopping and make-overs, I might be willing to CONSIDER slipping my hair
in a ponytail and diving into that pool.
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