1-25-02, Danny McBride
Patriot Games
By Danny McBride
IPS Features
So I was just wondering- -Do you have a flag flying from any part of your vehicle? Maybe one of those kind that clip into a rear window? Or maybe onto the antenna? Or maybe just a decal on a window? Or maybe a bumper sticker?
Are you wearing a lapel pin? Do you have a red-white-and-blue scarf or necktie? Do you have a flagpole in your front yard? Or on the front porch? Have you painted the dog?
Are you more of a “patriot” than those who don’t happen to fly the flag? Does being pasty white with blue and red varicose veins count?
What I have noticed is that there were many, many flags flying throughout September and October, but as November and December wore on, the numbers dwindled. So does that mean you are less “patriotic” or you’ve just chosen to show it differently?
It’s okay. Being a patriot doesn’t mean you have to dress up like an Uncle Sam poster to impress the rest of us that you are a patriot. There are a lot of things you can do. Some we may never see.
I’ve heard people grousing that because so-and-so isn’t flying a flag he must be one of “them Tally-ban sympathizers”. I didn’t know there were that many. But what if so-and-so prefers to give to, say, The Red Cross, or whatever, anonymously, rather than waving a flag. Isn’t he just as much, perhaps more of a patriot.
These discussions of who is and who is not patriotic at times like these are so silly as to defy common sense. I guarantee we all are, but we just have different ways of showing it or acting upon it.
Hey, I come from a state with an actual holiday named “Patriot’s Day”. Who can beat that? By the way, in case you were napping during civics class, the state is actually the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, and the date is April 19th. That’s the day of the Battles of Lexington and Concord in 1775 during the Revolutionary War, the following day after the “Midnight Ride of Paul Revere” as in Longfellow’s: “Listen my children and you shall hear of the Midnight Ride of Paul Revere…One if by land, and two if by sea; And I on the opposite shore shall be, Ready to ride and spread the alarm through every Middlesex village and farm, for the country folk to be up and to arm.” I digress. Go read it for yourself. Actually I hope that’s “re-read” it. You’ll be cheering for old Paul. By the way, Paul wasn’t the only one warning the sleeping citizenry- -he just had the best press agent-poet. But see, we’re so dang patriotic we have Patriot’s Day. What have you got?
Really this is all kind of silly. One of my favorite sights here in Southern California is some gas-guzzling SUV, not even American made, flying a flag from the back window. It seems to me that a true patriot would not be sending any more money to the OPEC nations, just as one time we stopped buying tea. Some of these oil giants, such as Saudi Arabia, have very strange entanglements with our enemies in this war. Why give them any more money? What if we could just tell them “Thank you. We’re through. That’ll be awl. (Texas accent!!).” They’d be freakin’ screwed. If everyone with a gas-hog chucked it for a more fuel efficient vehicle, and then continued to cut back just ten percent of what they normally would drive, these sheiks wouldn’t be so chic anymore and we might find that they were more than willing to coöperate in the “War On Terrorism”.
You probably know that bin Laden, as it has been documented by several newspaper sources, gets flown hither and yon by guys who deny they know him, but secretly adore him. He’s bigger than the Michael Jordans, or Madonnas or Britney Spears of the world, and they just love to hob-nob with a bigtime international celebrity like “binny”- -maybe that’s “i-e”, as in “binnie”- -who knows? And where do they go? Anywhere they want to. Private jets. No flight manifesto. Wanna go to Yemen? Bahrain? No problémo.
By now the U S Special Forces have pretty much cleared out every cave in the Tora Bora Mountains. Guess what? Nobody home. This is getting to be like “Where’s Waldo”.
But back in Saudi Arabia- -motto: “Terrorists? TERRORISTS? There must be some mistake. We know nothing of terrorists”- -pressure to name names, provide lists- -heck, maybe even help- -would be a lot easier if they thought they might be losing the franchise, or actually saw the results at the pump. As it is, it’s like Claude Rains telling Bogey “Gambling? Going on in here? Why I’m shocked!!” Maybe they’d at least round up the usual suspects.
If you want to really help your country, don’t worry about flying cheap flags made in Taiwan or wherever. Think about what you yourself can really do to make things better for us and to mess with the status quo. After you get rid of that gas-guzzling dinosaur, and if enough do, Detroit might actually pick up on the trend, look around for what else needs doing. There’s lots if you just pay a little attention. We have to dump the tea in the harbor again.
Me? I’m going to get rid of my Grandmother’s old hand-knitted Afghan. Maybe that Ottoman as well. I think I’ll stop using Arabic numerals too. I know I said that before but I really mean it this time. Okay, enough.
-30-
Return to Current IPS Features