Recently George W Bush announced he was going to restore Honor and Decency to The White House. Even more recently he demonstrated a "Major League" flair for language that has many of us wondering just what his definition of decency is.

By now we’ve all heard or read about it, maybe even seen the videotape. You’d think by now that Junior Bush would have had enough experience in Public Speaking 101 to know that up there on the stage in front of everybody the microphones are supposed to be turned on.

And Cheney, with his "Yeah, Big Time" agreement made it sound as if Bevis and Butthead were about to launch into one of their rants from their animated TV show.

Now it’s not that I’ve never heard the word before, or for that matter used it. Nor am I shocked to know that someone in or aspiring to a "Major League" pressure-cooker position might use vulgar slang among his intimates to get a quick point across. I mean, have you ever checked out Lyndon Johnson or Richard Nixon?

But the fact that one has just a breath or two earlier promised decency and then spews college fraternity expletives is what makes the juxtapostion so interesting to me. Will he address the nation in that fashion from the Oval Office? "My fellow Americans. I come to you tonight with a f****** heavy heart. Those G******

a******* in the f****** Middle East are at it a-f******-gain." I can’t wait.

Some broadcast outlets ran the video clip unedited, which is a rarity. I guess they just figured that we so-called grownups, even if we do not speak that way, have seen enough R-rated movies, and we’ve all been dragged through the Clinton Follies, so that it won’t faze us. Not much does anymore. And after all, that is what he said.

The guy can’t open his mouth without sounding like George W Dunce. Kind of makes you long for the old days and the intellect of Dan Quayle. Since that faux pas (for which Dubya did not apologize- -he only said that he was sorry that he was overheard) and for the past year of campaigning, he has gotten tangled up daily in his words. He sounds like that old Johnny Carson character Floyd R Turbo, Proud American (picture Carson in the red-checkered hunting jacket and hat with earflaps down and chin strap).

The other day Little Georgie was yelling, yes yelling, at the top of his lungs at an airport rally in Indianapolis about Vice President Gore being a big spender, and he kept mixing up millions, billions and trillions as he tried to hang Gore with his own words, but he only ended up tongue-tying himself. It’s as if he never proofread the speech first- - "Billions and trillions and trillions". He could have said "zillions, bedillions, vermillion pavilions" and he would have sounded just as knowledgeable on budgetary affairs as he did shouting that Gore would "be glad to spend it for you, and spend it he can- -This man knows how to spend that money". You expected him to keep yelling "I MEAN it. I REALLY DO. No, I REALLY do. I’m SERIOUS. If you don’t believe me I’m going to hold my breath til I turn blue- -I REALLY am."

Pitiful. It sounded like an oral book report when the kid hasn’t really read the book:

"Al Gore And The Really Big Budget is about this guy and his name is Al Gore and he has this really big budget. So what happens is that this really big budget belongs to this guy whose name is Al Gore. And then this guy whose name is Al Gore decides that he will have this budget and it will be really big. And what ends up happening is that the budget, which belongs to this guy named Al Gore, turns out to be really, really big. I liked this book and everybody should read it. It’s called Al Gore And The Really Big Budget. Thank you."

One of the headline stories in my local paper the other day was "Bush To Cram For Debates With Gore". That is SO frat house. Party, party, toga-party all semester and then pull an allnighter with notes from the house geek and try to slide by on the test hoping it’s multiple guess.

Well, Gee, W, this is like finals, Dude, and like your whole grade depends on this. For sure, Dude. And at the rate you’re going, the only "A" you’re going to get is the "Major League" one you mentioned the other day about the New York Times reporter. A as in *******. Party on, Dude, Big Time.