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Danny |
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Qusay Hussein does what his Daddy, Saddam, tells him to do. Mostly that’s telling other people to do his Daddy’s bidding. We know from Secretary of State Colin Powell’s speech before the U N Security Council this week that one of Qusay’s jobs has been to keep the presidential palaces free of weapons just before the U N inspectors arrive. The weapons have been stored in some of the palaces, and Qusay has been in charge of moving them around before the inspectors get to each particular palace. It’s like the Marx Brothers movie where the guys take turns hiding in the sliding door closet, the one where they’re stowaways on board ship hiding in the apple barrels below decks. We know some of this from the intercepted radiotelephone transmissions Colin Powell played, complete with translation: “Ibrahim? Is this Colonel Ibrahim?” “Yes. This is him.” “Ibrahim?” “I am him.” “You are to destroy all nerve agent references in the orders you have received.” “Destroy the nerve gas?” “No, no. Just the references to nerve agents in the transmissions.” “I think we have bad connection. Did you say ‘the nerve’?” “Yes you have some nerve. Destroy the references to the gas.” “Yes I have gas. Must have been the couscous. Maybe bad lamb.” “Remove. Remove.” “I got it. It is removed from the men’s rations. No more lamb.” “Nerve agents. Nerve agents.” “What about the lamb?” “Stuff the lamb. You must remove the nerve agents wherever it comes up.” “But you said remove the lamb. I got it.” “Wherever it comes up in the wireless instructions, in the instructions.” “Correction. No. In the wireless instructions.” “Yes. Remove. Remove.” “I got it. Remove the lamb. What about the couscous?” “Couscous? Nerve agents. Stop talking about it. They are listening to us. Don’t give any evidence that we have these horrible agents.” “Yes, horrible agents. I too have a horrible agent or I wouldn’t be getting these bad translation gigs.” The only other thing I expected to hear in this recording of bad radiotelephone transmission picked up by the NSA or CIA or whoever was for one of them to do the cell phone ad line “Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?” I thought I might hear an AT&T Wireless plug at the end about improving reception or a credit for the actors reading the lines in English- -it was originally in Arabic. Hello? This may have been a real intercepted transmission, but for those of us who have spent years near or in recording studios, we know how easy it is to fake a piece of tape like this. I would like to give Colin Powell the benefit of the doubt. But after the Tony Blair crib sheet farrago this week where the Brits took some research material off a grad student’s website and incorporated it into their official position papers, who knows? That tape Powell played could be an old Stan Freberg routine. Anyway, nothing matters anymore. The U S is bound and determined to have its war, and as one TV pundit said “It may well be like hitting a bee’s nest with a stick”. (I always thought hornets had nests and bees had hives. Ah, the mixing of metaphor. It gives me hives. And by the way- -what is a metaphor, a meadow for? Grazing sheep.) No more lamb. Only the wolf in Wolf Blitzer’s clothing. Ready or not, here we come. Oh by the way, the next time you see a picture of Chico Marx, picture him with Osama’s beard- -A perfect “Separated At Birth.” Okay- -time to pick the office
pool “date-when-the-war-starts”.
I use the old “Duck Duck Goose” method.
Although I now think of it as “Duck Duck CousCous”.
Stay tuned for Saddam on the lam.
I gotta go. |
