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Danny |
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Ba’ath House Blues I rolled over in bed and realized I must have been dreaming about the tanks entering the former leader’s hometown: Kennebunkport. I guess the TV speech I thought I had been watching was an old clip taped before the war: “I will not send American boys 10,000 miles to do a job Asian boys should do for themselves.” There is so much news, but so little substance, that it’s still unclear what’s going on in Iraq. The ruling Ba’ath party’s major landmarks, offices and Saddam’s palaces, have been taken over by “coalition” forces (Definition: US forces and a couple of stragglers). Rumsfeld is on TV more than Ken Starr and his Starbucks coffee cup used to be. (It was always a mystery why they didn’t just add the second “r” to their name after all the free advertising- -“Starr-bucks”.) A recent L A TIMES story reported from Baghdad by staff writer David Zucchino described one of Saddam’s palaces as a “64-bath Getaway” home. I guess it’s true- -The Ba’ath party could really be the “Bath Party”. Can you picture Tarik Aziz in the hot tub? One minute the cable news Hydra is spewing pictures of jubilant Iraqis celebrating with US military personnel or pulling down statues of Fearless Leader, and the next clip is some fire-fight to gain control of a back alley and a couple of date palms. George Dubya says Saddam is no longer in control, but by the look of the pictures of the looting and the lawlessness, it doesn’t look as though anybody else is in charge either. We now know Saddam preferred Canali brand Italian suits, Hermes neckties, Colgate toothpaste and read Newsweek magazine. His recently liberated palace on the west bank of the Tigris is a compound almost two miles long, with 22 kitchens, 19 meeting rooms, 142 offices, movie theaters, ballrooms, including one as large as a football field, and of course, those 64 bathrooms. (I wonder if he ever screened Douglas Fairbanks’ 1924 silent film classic The Thief of Baghdad? That will buckle your swash, for all you swashbucklers out there.) Of course right now it seems as though every other Iraqi citizen is the Thief of Baghdad. Government buildings have been ransacked, naturally, but so have street merchants and dentists and medical centers. What could possibly be the point of that? The Museum of Antiquities, with stuff 5,000 years old, has had its contents destroyed- -artifacts from ancient Babylon (which was about 50 miles from present day Baghdad, and Sumerian and Assyrian treasures, including tablets of ancient cuneiform writing. There goes your tourist trade- -well, not that anyone was dropping by right away, but perhaps eventually. During the bombing, military and industrial targets were the norm, but the widespread destruction caused by the liberated Iraqis is doing more to destroy the country than the bombing did. As Yakov Smirnoff says: “What a country!” Picture the Super Bowl Ending Promos: “You’ve just been freed from over 30 years of tyranny under the madman Saddam Hussein. What are you going to do next?” “I’m going to Disney- -to Disney- -to steal everything that’s not nailed down even though I have no possible use for it.” “There you have it. Now back to you up in the booth.” Marines on the eastern shore of the Tigris and Army units on the western shore have been patrolling and guarding certain facilities. But not all. The Ministries of Trade, Information, Planning, Health and Education go unguarded. The Oil Ministry, however, is surrounded by a whole company of Marines. It’s probably just a coincidence. We aren’t really there because they have oil, are we? Ah, there’s no fool like an oil fool. This past week, China cut its regular oil supplies to North Korea for three days. The North Koreans have been slow to pay attention to the fact that Dubya Bush meant it when he described them last October as part of his Axis of Evil. Now, however, the North Koreans have agreed to renegotiate their nuclear policy and the speculation is that this was caused by pressure from the Chinese, or the Russians, or the Japanese and South Koreans. Oh really? I’m pretty sure they have cable TV there. What they just watched for three weeks on CNN has more than likely got them quaking in their boots, if they wear boots. Heck, they could have just as easily watched Al Jazeera and figured it out. Pressure from the Chinese!! Really? Pressure from Lou Dobbs is just as likely. Can’t you just hear Bob Hope and Bing Crosby singing “We’re off on The Road To Damascus”? Or maybe “Fuels Rush In?” Oh well- -and we know what kind of well that is- -Oil’s well that ends well. That’s oil for now.
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