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Danny |
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President George W Bush is on his way to “look over Jordan and what did he see, Comin’ for to carry me home”. Wait- -maybe not exactly, but he is on his way to meet with Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and newly elected Palestinian Prime Minister Mahmoud Abbas. Rather than following Secretary of State Colin Powell’s “Road Map To Peace”- -first, leave Washington; second, fly to the Middle East--the president is following a map he drew in third grade called “How To Get To The Middle East”: First leave Washington- -then fly to Poland. Ask directions. Get redirected to Russia. Have dinner with Vlad (NOTE: film version My Dinner With Vladimir also called Putin On The Ritz). While there criticize France for the benefit of Jacques Chirac. Then fly to France. Ask directions again. Fly to Egypt. Ask directions again. Then fly to Jordan. While in Europe the president will address Franco-American relations by offering Mr Chirac a can of Spaghetti-Os. He will also urge the French to stop trying to block Poland’s entrance into the European Union, since the Poles have been good union tradesmen since the Gdansk dock workers led by Lech Walesa shut down the Communists in the early 1980s. (Gdansk? I’d love to. Sing: Danzig in the dark, til the tune ends, we’re Danzig in the dark OR You can’t start a fire without a spark- -this gun’s for hire even if we’re just Danzig in the dark- -take your pick.) While it looks on the surface that the president is seriously trying to effect change in the Middle East, what this really is is a glorified campaign swing photo-op kind of thing to show the president is right on top of foreign policy. The president’s trips to Krakow and St Petersburg were courtesy calls, if you will, in order to thank our allies in person. A Hallmark card would have been enough. But this looks better on TV. The president’s trip to the G-8 meeting in Evian, France was also illusory. Some say he only came for the bottled water. He’s not staying through the last working session and will be represented by an empty chair, which some might also say is an improvement. Then it’s off to Egypt for talks with leaders from Egypt, Jordan, Bahrain and the Palestinian Authority. The Arab leaders will talk about Iraq, of course, and then the president will quiz them on Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, with Brad Pitt as Sinbad, coming to theaters this summer. After all, they are meeting in the sunny seaside resort city of Sharm el-Sheikh on the Red Sea. The meeting is only scheduled for 90 minutes, and when he leaves the Red Sea, the president will say “I must part” but he won’t. In 1999 and early 2000, the presidential candidate George W Bush couldn’t tell Pakistan from orangutan. He was pretty sure Greenland was a continent full of green people, and knew the Chinese had a chain of take-out restaurants but not much else. Remember: He thought the Taliban were a rock group. Now he’s trying to show he’s learned where everything is and who everybody is. You can always tell when a presidential rëelection campaign gears up into total attack mode because the press secretary from the first term bails out from total burnout. Pretty soon it’s “Ari” Vederci, Ari, as Ari Fleischer returns to the profession which best suits his personality: embalming. So Mr Bush is flying to visit our allies the Poles, the Russians and the “Jordaninians” to set about the process for a lasting peace in the Middle East. He will meet with Ariel Sharon- -by the way, why does Prime Minister Sharon have the same first name as Disney’s Little Mermaid? I can hear King Triton calling now: “Ar-i-el.”- -and the newly elected Palestinian Prime Minister Mahmoud Abbas (Ma mood is nothing special either.) But if you think anything is really going to happen in this meeting other than photos for the campaign, then I have a nice kingdom for you to visit “under the sea”. The president will also go to Aqaba and Doha, Qatar, which for him, up to now, were just made-up words to win at Scrabble. What the president needs to win at is an Iraqi peace and a cessation of hostilities between Palestinians and Israelis. Then he truly will have completed his rëelection campaign photo-op. Can he do it? What do you think? I’m going to go have some Spaghetti-Os and a bottle of Evian.
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