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Danny |
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Randy Newman said it best: “Short people got no reason to live…” Go Randy. I myself am a little short this week. In fact I guess I’m a little short every week. According to a recent New York Times piece by Natalie Angier, the average height of the average American guy is now 5 feet 9 ½ inches. I just missed. Once again, another field in which I am below average, like my beer consumption, my fashion sense and my table manners. Ms Angier reports that most of the leadership roles in every field imaginable are held by guys six feet tall and taller. Study after study has shown that tall men give most of the orders, get the girl more often and get most of the top corporate positions. They also get favorable ratings in such things as high IQ, talent, trustworthiness, and even kindness simply by walking into a room where they are taller than most. Shortly, however, things may change. The Food and Drug Administration has been asked to approve a human growth hormone to be given to kids that seem a little short for their age so they may grow taller than they probably would on their own. The target group is perfectly healthy children that just don’t seem to be tall enough- -to whom, I don’t know- -Mom, Dad, the drug companies who make the growth hormones? “Gee, Ma’am, you’ve got an awfully short kid.” “Yes he is short, but he’s only two.” “He may not grow enough without injections.” “Hmmm- -I always figured he’d just grow sooner or later.” “Well, he might, but why take a chance?” This is not to be confused with children who have some sort of deficiency and would grow up to be midgets if not given hormone shots. Nope. These are shots to be given to kids who might otherwise grow up to be Ross Perot or Robert Reich, or Dustin Hoffman or Tom Cruise. “Mom, I want to be taller when I grow up.” “When you grow up, you will be taller. Now shuddup and eat your spinach.” “I’ll bet Napoleon didn’t eat spinach.” And what about those of us who missed the cut-off? Well, we’re “at elevated risk of dropping out of school and drinking heavily”, according to The Times. It seems to me that those facts may be reversed. I remember one guy in college who drank heavily and then flunked out. Tall fellow, if I remember correctly. BMOC- -Big Man On Cocktails. Little guys are also at an elevated risk of “dating sparsely”. Tell that to Mick Jagger, or any of a dozen other rock stars. Almost every rock guitar player who’s any good is five feet seven or eight- -no taller. And not one of them sits home on a Saturday night unless he wants to. And there are more short comedians. “I just came back from a pleasure trip- -took my mother-in-law to the airport.” Rimshot!! How tall was Einstein? Picasso? Voltaire? Right. They don’t make the cut. Are we going to shoot hormones into perfectly healthy children because the biotechnology business would like us to, and the FDA says okay? It’s a tall order. But I say let ’em develop as nature intended. It’s an idea that could grow on you. By the way, I usually write about 800 words but, in keeping with the spirit of the topic, this column is a little short and I need to take a short break. Back shortly. |
