7-17-02, Danny McBride
My Nudie-Full Balloon
By Danny McBride
IPS Features
Sing along: “Up, Up and Away-yay In My Nudie-Full Balloon…Would You Like To Fly In My Nudie-Full Balloon… We Can Float Among The Clouds Together You And I…” - -okay- -never mind”
That’s the song being sung - -although maybe only by me - - after a recent South Carolina gathering of nude balloon enthusiasts. Actually the balloons aren’t nude - - although come to think of it - -I suppose they are. No. It’s the people in the balloons’ gondolas who are nude.
According to an Associated Press story datelined Chesnee, South Carolina, a weekend gathering of nudists who are also balloonists, or maybe it’s balloonists who are also nudists, featured several balloon-loads of nude fliers who sailed over the countryside.
“Martha, will you come lookit this! They’s a bunch o’ nekkid people flying over the barn.”
“Sure they is, Randolph. Now you jus’ stay away from that thar corn likker.”
“I’m SERIOUS.”
“Now you jus’ put that jug back down in the cellar and come wash up for supper.”
The AP story says the nude balloonists planned to get dressed before landing since they would probably drift twelve to fifteen miles from the resort they are taking off from. Both Saturday and Sunday, four balloons would be taking three to four people each for a ride 3,000 feet in the air, according to resort spokesperson Betty Mangrum, quoted in the article. They are calling it the nation’s first all-nude balloon rally.
Would that suggest that a new word be added to the language: Balloonudist? Maybe it should have two “Ns”. That would be from the Latin: “Balloonudista”. As in “Bal-loon-nud-ist-a Eve-ning…You May See A Stranger…Across A Crowded…” Never mind.
Anyway, the flights are taking place from a secluded cow pasture on a 50-acre, 170 member resort. I suppose the cows are nude too.
“MMMaude. Do you see what I see?”
“Moo. Scary, isn’t it.”
“Kinda ruins my moooood.”
“Gives mmme a couple of upset stomachs.”
According to resort member Dave Jones quoted by the AP “There is nothing like being in a balloon nude, where no one can see you.” Okay. And your point is?
See, I keep thinking about how they are going to explain themselves if they have to make a forced landing and don’t have time to get dressed.
“Sorry officer, I left my wallet in my other suit. In fact, I left my other suit with my other suit.” Will that work?
The first balloon flight took place in France on September 19, 1783, launched by the Montgolfier brothers, Joseph and Etienne. And guess what? The first passengers- -there were three of them- -were nude. You could look it up.
Of course they were a sheep, a duck, and a rooster, but they were buck nekkid. Within two months, on November 21, 1783, the brothers had launched the first manned (and fully attired) flight in Paris with two noblemen from the court of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette aboard. (Note: The brothers Montgolfier did NOT take the first rides themselves-
That’s confidence.) Built from paper and silk, the balloon ascended 500 feet above the city and flew out into the countryside for 22 minutes, landing miles away in a vineyard. Local farmers were very suspicious of this fiery object descending from the sky, so the pilots offered them champagne to placate them- -a tradition which continues to this day.
By 1785, balloonists had crossed the English Channel, and ballooning took off, so to speak, all over Europe. By 1793 the first recorded North American flight had taken place in Philadelphia, and ballooning has been on the rise ever since. The modern hot air balloon dates only from 1960.
But the history of nudism reveals that for about 99% of human history, and especially until the advent of weaving in China about 6,000 years ago, people were naked everywhere on the planet, except for a few animal skins in cooler climates. The coastal Native Americans of California had lived unclothed for about 10,000 years until the Spanish showed up. The same is true in Africa, Australia, The Pacific Islands and all of the Americas until the Europeans showed up. So where do you suppose modern 20th century nudism revived? Europe, of course, where a recent BBC documentary estimated that 50 million Europeans enjoy naturist holidays. Go figure.
It seems to make as much sense as any other combination of recreational events- -picnic marathoning, rollerblade birdwatching or bowling for fish. So what the heck. I hope they have a great time. And if anyone doesn’t like it, they can tell them they’re full of balloony.
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