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Danny |
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So the Terminator is now the Ex-Terminator. It’s official. Ahnold has made his declaration to run for the office of Governor of California, along with dozens and dozens of others, in the special election set for October in an attempt to unseat the sitting- -and recently reëlected governor- -Gray Davis. And yes, he announced on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, that bastion of political sagacity. Because August is generally a slow news month, with the president at the ranch in Texas and Congress mostly on vacation, what would have been a local non-story during the first days of the Iraqi War of Domination or Liberation or Elimination or whatever it was, is now front page news all over the country. The Dominator. The Liberator. The Eliminator. The Mediator. The Alligator. Who knows? Newspaper headlines call him The Governator. The garbage disposal in my kitchen sink is called the In-Sink-Erator. It probably does wonders getting rid of annoying Boy Bands too. [Note: Boy Bands. They’re not “Boys”, they’re men, and they’re not “Bands”, they’re vocal groups.] All of a sudden every word I say rhymes with Elevator. Radiator. Percolator. So Conan the Barbarian is now attempting to become Conan the Librarian, or Conan the Grammarian, or, heck, the Rotarian, as he makes his pitch to the people of California. “Vote for me and I will reduce da price of popcorn at da moofees.” [Oh I know, “moo fees”: What a cow charges.] This California gubernatorial recall is such a baffling series of non-events, escalating- -The Escalator- -into the high realm of silliness, that Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey may skip the whole state entirely on this year’s tour figuring we’ve had enough circus for one year. I realize that this is a story taking place in my state, and even more so, in my town- -I do live in Los Angeles, remember. But it is no longer only a local story. Because of the marquee value of a contemporary Top-Ten international movie star running for high political office- -and with zero experience- -it is saturating the news broadcasts and newspapers at all levels. At least when Ronald Reagan ran for governor he was long past his movie star days (the 1940s). Heck, he was past his General Electric Theater and 20-Mule-Team Borax Days by then (TV series from the 50s and early 60s). Reagan was sworn in as governor on January 3, 1967 and served two terms. But here we have a guy with a hit movie now playing who says he can change the fortunes of a state so far down the economic sludge hole that if it were a corporation it would be on the chopping block. An individual would have long ago jumped from a freeway overpass. Instead it’s the sixth largest economy in the world- -if taken apart from the rest of the country- -and the one that has accounted for over half of the major economic downturn in this country as a whole in the past two years or so. And a movie star thinks he can save us? GAWD, who wrote this script? See, we got this way in the first place because of “sour grapes”, as Governor Davis would say- -a recall petition drive by non-mainstream Republican and religious right-wingers. But they’re all pretty much on the sidelines now. Other big local politcal names, such as Peter Ueberroth, the former baseball commissioner and 1984 Los Angeles Olympics head, and the present Democratic Lt Governor, Cruz Bustamante, the highest elected Hispanic officeholder in the country, very popular with that constituency (30% of the electorate here), as well as with Democrats of all stripes, and dozens of others, actually over 150 candidates, have jumped into the race. I’m looking forward to the debate between Arianna Huffington and Mr Schwarzenegger. Will there be subtitles? The fact is the Guv deceived the public in the campaign last fall. He didn’t reveal the true deficit numbers until after the election. And it’s also been found out that Davis, a Democrat known for fighting dirty, meddled in the Republican primary, spending perhaps $10 million to defeat the moderate Republican candidate, former Los Angeles Mayor Richard Riordan. Riordan could easily have defeated Davis in the general election, but as a result, Davis got to face the weakest of the candidates the Republicans had to offer, William Simon, Jr. Now he gets to face perhaps the strongest of the candidates the Republicans have to offer, Arnie, who probably could not win the Republican nomination if he had to go through the normal selection process non-celebrity politicians have to go through- -stump speeches, TV shows such as Meet The Press and the local equivalents in California’s major markets, and a Republican primary. Arnold has been compared to Jesse Ventura for his populist appeal. (They were in Predator together in 1987 and remain friends.) But Jesse was the Mayor of Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, before running for governor in 1998, a year so prosperous he could promise and deliver tax refunds. Arnold can do no such thing. It’s a freakin’ mess here. First, there is a ballot question “Should Gray Davis Be Retained?” and then “If Not, Who Should Be Governor?” and there are literally many dozens of names. But the press loves movie stars, so Arnold is getting all the ink and face time. He has a degree in body-building. He can produce movies. He is great fodder for late night TV comics. But can he run a $99 Billion enterprise like California? Probably not. Are voters willing to let him learn on the job? Sure. They vote for whoever looks good. And what fun in ’04 to have a failed Republican governor and a failed Republican president!! Arm wrestle this, George!! Anyway, it won’t matter, because whoever is elected, there could easily be another recall petition started to do this all over again. Gubernatorial elections every few months. Back and forth. Why wait until ’04? You’d be The Procrastinator. The Meditator. The Fibrillator. The Incubator. See ya later.
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