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Danny |
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Dear Mr. Arafat: Thank you for your inquiry about the truck rental for your moving day which we understand is coming soon. What size truck will you be needing and will you be returning it here in Ramallah or renting it one way to Tunis? We don’t as a general rule rent further than Cairo, but if you are willing to pay the deposit, we may make an exception in your case. And speaking of your case, will this be a temporary move, or one of a more permanent nature? If you will be traveling elsewhere, perhaps we can arrange rental cars and hotels. Also, we are in touch with the best shoppes and boutiques, should you have any wardrobe needs you care to have fulfilled. If you rent from us in certain designated cities the Gillette Safety Razor Company of Boston, Massachusetts will spring for a free Mach III razor with extra blade cartridges. We understand you will need to bring some extra sandbags with you for your stops along the way to shore up your security defenses at night. Will you be camping under the desert stars in your traditional nomad’s tent, or will you be staying under the five stars of a Four Seasons Hotel or equivalent? We also need to ask what form of payment you will be using. Will you be paying by credit card, cash or check, or will either the Syrian or Saudi government be billed directly? We have a letter on file from the Israeli government saying that you may not be the most dependable of customers. And also that you may, at times, not be true to your word. In that case, we should inform you that we might need to see some additional identification if you plan to use the rental truck longer than a few days. Also, we will need a forwarding address. Not that we don’t trust you, but we take all matters of this kind seriously, and, after all, it’s just business. Also we want our truck back. No using it as a device in which to transport military equipment, truck bombs or suicide bombers to local bus stops. We must insist that you purchase the maximum insurance and put yourself down on the form as the only legal driver. That way we’ll know, should the truck be used for nefarious purposes, that you are the legally responsible adult, regardless of how many denials you issue. We have every expectation that should you decide to leave Ramallah within the next few days that you will be followed by any number of people, perhaps totaling in the thousands. We cannot be responsible for the transport of your fellow travelers, and you will have to inform them that the truck has a legal limit of two adults up front in the cab, with no room for hangers-on in the back or on the roof. The insurance simply doesn’t cover it. Also, if there is to be firing of pistols, rifles or other small arms into the air as a show of support for you, you should know that we are not able to offer insurance to cover possible damage to the vehicle should any of those bullets fall back to earth hitting the truck. Every effort will be made to insure that you have a safe and happy journey wherever your destination, but we cannot guarantee that all others share our view. Should you need help while you are on the road we are prepared to offer you our exclusive OnStar System from General Motors. That way, if you get lost, or require other roadside assistance, all you have to do is push the blue button and our staff of highly trained operators will be there for you day or night. If there is shooting involved, however, we cannot guarantee anything other than a phone call. You will have to come to our offices in person in order to rent the truck. We will need to see several forms of I D, and collect the deposit at that time. Also, you will be required to sign several standardized forms and show proof of your actual ability to drive. We offer air conditioning as an option and also a CD player/radio for your convenience. We can even rent you some CDs if you would like. One particular favorite with the kids right now is "Allah Be Down To Get You In A Taxi Honey". We also have a special on the "Best of Cat Stevens". We look forward to serving you in any way possible. We can even serve you with an eviction notice if yours hasn’t come in the mail yet. Have a nice day.
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