11-26-01, Lisa Laird, 654 words
Lisa's Lair
By Lisa Laird
IPS Features
Making Waves
I like making waves; perpetual motion keeps me moving.
The waves I’m referring to are absent of all traces of the wet stuff.
Rather, they are created and intensified when I sense I’m being pushed
around by the world, or any of its components…especially the human kind; the
type I mostly look out for. When I
feel the proverbial undertow asserting control by pulling me in ways I don’t
want to go, it’s time for the tide to change direction. And it’s not going to do so without a mighty nudge on my
part. We frequently hear the
expression, “Don’t let anyone step on you,” or, “People can only do to
you what you allow them to.” But
we’re also told, “Don’t make waves,” and, “Keep the peace.” Basically, the mixed message is, “Stand up for yourself but
keep your mouth shut.” Talk about
a mixed-up message.
Many children are raised with the golden rule not to
question their parents. No matter
what. Philosophies, decisions, and
opinions are to be accepted unquestionably.
There may be parents who inform their offspring that the sky is orange
with pink and green polka dots and their kids must nod their heads
enthusiastically in agreement…if they know what’s good for them.
This behavior comes from the notion that a sign of respect is having
blind faith in authority figures, particularly parents.
Nonsensical rules may be religiously obeyed and unfair restrictions
remain quietly accepted.
Admiring one’s parents and holding them in high esteem
is not in any way related to complying with ordered commands out of sheer fear.
Admiration stems from acknowledging and applauding parents who strive to
be the best educators they can be. Adults
who want well-trained children to ask, “How high?” when they say,
“Jump!” should consider adopting pets rather than raising kids.
In the name of teaching children to be obedient, parents actually do
injurious disservices. Branding
youngsters with fear is emotional abuse; more than a shame, it’s a crime.
Parents who are fair, understanding, open to discussions regarding ideas
and issues, and value their children’s views are the ones admired.
They are the parents who shape confident, independent children who are
not intimidated by those around them and are not afraid to stand up for
themselves and make waves when need be.
On the other hand, drill sergeants manufacture
well-trained robots by consistently stressing that children always do as they
say…just because. If parents mold
their kids to be unassertive, submissive followers, they won’t be equipped to
construct and vocalize original thoughts. We are first taught in the home.
If conditioned to “be seen but not heard” behind our closed doors,
don’t expect that when released into the outer world we’ll forcefully open
our mouths and make ourselves heard. When
following a recipe for chocolate chip cupcakes, you’d know better than to
think you’ll be pulling banana cream pie out of the oven anytime soon.
Or anytime at all.
Children are very much products of their home
environments. The adults they
become are merely extensions that have slid further down the chronological
continuum. I do not believe many
parents take the time to think about why they discipline their kids as they do.
As authority figures, they have great power and what they do with that
gift makes all the difference. The
tyrants are control freaks and run extremely tight ships just because they can;
they’re not necessarily looking out for the children.
It’s control for control’s sake.
However, parents who know what’s best for their children identify and
emphasize the important issues, as they will have long-term impact, rather than
get caught up in being big bosses; that attitude belongs in the workplace. And these kids are permitted to make waves when controversies
present themselves, like we all must do as strong, spirited people.
No one wants to get knocked down.
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