4-1-02, Lisa Laird
Lisa's Lair
By Lisa Laird
IPS Features
MAY BE LOVE
Commitments are noble. Their acceptance is expected and
highly praised; we seek the esteemed recognition that accompanies such pledges.
I believe that one of the most common, yet unclear, vows often declared
is being in love, as the terms loving
and liking may easily be confused.
Both incorporate admiration, respect, and the enjoyment of another’s
company. The vast majority of those who enter and exit our lives can
be classified in terms of various levels of likeable. I wonder at what strength like
transforms into love.
We’re accustomed to interchanging those two concepts, mere words;
understanding the implications of both, most of us haven’t got a clue.
The word like
is defined as to enjoy or desire. Love
is defined as to enjoy greatly, have strong affection, or warm attachment.
Is there a concrete difference? At
this moment, many of you reading my column are probably saying that, yes, there
certainly is.
I’m not so sure.
Perhaps the division of the two is based purely on strikingly prominent
physical attraction. If this
reasoning is the popular consensus, we are forced to reconsider our uniform
argument.
Unconsciously programmed to be sold on the idea of true
love, we’ve convinced ourselves to search for that imaginary line separating
close friendship and infatuation with blissful love. And when it is concluded that we’ve crossed over the
border, the real thing has arrived.
At this point, we are required to ask ourselves the
appropriate ways in which this new, sacred, condition is to be handled.
I view loving someone as a passive condition, as opposed to being in
love, which is an active state. When
we proclaim to love others, we usually refer to family members and close
friends. The notion is a given that
needs virtually no maintenance to prove our positions.
In contrast, being in love with someone takes a great deal of upkeep.
It is time consuming, emotionally draining, and extremely self-conscious.
Yes, self-conscious.
When involved as one half of an in love liaison, evaluation in regard to discussed, presumed, and
perceived expectations constantly takes place.
Routinely reviewed. I think
falling out of love quite frequently happens when too much effort is needed to
nurture relationships, rather than dwindling attraction itself.
Of course people may deceive us and are not who they seemed to be early
on; this does occur as a result of misguided character judgment.
However, the level of energy required to sustain a love relationship may
be the same force that, instead, causes the actual demise.
We want to be in love; the beginning stages are fiery,
wondrous, and refreshingly new each time we find ourselves falling head over
heels. After the novelty wears off,
two individuals are left to coexist and compromise with each other throughout
everyday activities. Fun and games
switch to grief and pains. As a
result, we make use of the unwritten, however, clearly understood escape clause
and offer the explanation that we are not truly in love. Some of us opt to admit the additional confession that
we’ve discovered we can’t even stomach our respective partners.
This theory might be the answer to why romantic bonds
are continually created and often viciously destroyed. We search for the perfect love because we’ve repeatedly
been told it exists, trying again and again to attain our hearts’ ideal
desires. Those special angels are
destined to deliver the brand of unmatched ecstasy only they can provide; nine
times out of ten we meet with the unimpressive messengers.
It is difficult enough to tolerate ourselves at times, never mind having
unconditional patience for perceived significant others.
I’ve concluded that the sole difference between
liking, loving, and being in love is merely the obligatory emotional investment.
Like any other investment, the contributed capital determines reaped
dividends. Being in love is risky;
liking someone is safe; loving somebody is caught in between.
The three sentiments are essentially the same; we’ve decided the
outcome of each to complicate matters.
It’s human nature.
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