7-11-02, Lisa Laird
Lisa's Lair
By Lisa Laird
IPS Features
Losing Time
Attempt to console someone who has been betrayed in a
relationship, any relationship. Good luck.
We often rely on the same trusted expression: “It’s his loss.” (Or,
“her loss,” or, “their loss.”) Well-intentioned
loved ones are usually the worst offenders of this statement.
I must admit, this consolation prize has been offered to me on more
occasions than I care to recall. It
never fails to annoy me beyond belief.
Any and all variations of the above expression are
false. Here is why. Question: What
is a relationship? Answer:
A connection. In this case, it’s a connection between people. By the way,
the term “one way” relationship is also erroneous.
The appropriate definition of this concept is an individual being stepped
on, and stubbornly, even obsessively, sticking around for more.
Now that we’re clear on that, let’s move on.
Relationships are extremely complex; even casual
liaisons have multiple components. There
are emotional investments to one degree or another. No matter who breaks the ties, both ends are fragmented.
Maybe not evenly, but it really doesn’t matter.
All separations are not for the worse; some are necessary for survival.
However, no matter the circumstances, there is always some level of loss.
Even if at the very least the loss is time.
In response to my previous statement, I find it ironic
that time is often viewed as the least detrimental on the totem pole of losses.
I’ve come to the realization that the most precious gift we can give to
others is our time. It is a limited
resource, therefore, to be extremely cherished.
Tangible variables come and go; time solely goes.
And once it’s gone, it’s gone forever.
Hence, each occasion moments are lost, we dress-rehearse mourning.
Over the years, I’ve been sadly disappointed by
several people whom I believed would always be a part of my life.
I gave them my friendship, faith, and unbridled trust.
In turn, they have abandoned and hurt me more than they’ll ever care to
know. I’ve forced myself to give
up the long time insatiable desire to turn back the years and mold them into the
people I once thought they were; the sincere friends I wanted them to be.
As much as we may try, the old saying is true:
We cannot change other people. It
is a triumph when we successfully change ourselves for the better.
I’ve learned to believe this statement, emotionally, as well as
rationally. There is a positive
realization drawn from the concept of time; it compels us to constantly move on.
Rethinking the past paralyzes the present and minimizes the future.
Torn between mourning the loss of former relationships and letting them
go for my emotional well being, I am forced to choose the latter.
Respecting time has taught me to welcome change in my
life. Focusing on the endeavors
that matter allows me to dismiss the trivial pursuits that do not.
I’ve come to comprehend that time rarely offers second chances.
Without a doubt, I’m certain that time is the most crucial loss we ever
experience.
All of our actions have reactions and consequences.
Good, bad, thoughtful, or insensitive, our decisions, even whimsical
ones, affect those around us. Each
and every person involved in a loss is left to nurse a wound or two, maybe three
or four. We all have our battle scars.
Over time, many will fade; some may even completely disappear.
Others might remain the same, never to heal.
And since time is not refundable, cutting one’s losses and moving
onward in a positive direction is the only plausible road to travel. Hopefully,
we walk away a little wiser and quite a bit more cautious.
The next time you hear the phrase, “ It’s his
loss,” “her loss,” or, “their loss” offered as a consolation, consider
the statement and bear in mind those who actually lose.
Unfortunately, everyone concerned; no one totally wins.
Sometimes a simple “I’m sorry” is the appropriate choice of words.
At other times, pure silence is golden.
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