8-25-01, Sunday Journal, 423 words
Happy Birthday to Me
By Dalton Roberts
IPS Features
Today is my
birthday. I am ripped up over what to do about it. After forty of the suckers,
you pretty well get to the point you don't like to think about them.
Mary Baker Eddy didn't
believe in celebrating birthdays. So since I have long ago passed forty of them,
I started hiding them and blaming it on her. You know, spiritualizing my chagrin
over my age. Which is the most pernicious form of rationalization. We think if
we find a spiritual basis for doing something we selfishly desire to do, that
makes it OK. That's how those sweet old ladies in Salem got burned at the stake
in the name of God.
I started hiding under
MBE's skirts and ignoring my birthdays. Then I read a column by my favorite
writer, James Dillet Freeman. He said, "Never miss an opportunity to
celebrate anything." So dadgummit, here I am acknowledging my birthdays
again.
So what do I want? Well,
a good back-rub for starters. Maybe a sack of Krystals. Aw, a Martin D-35 would
be nice. And it would tweak my Twinkie for 500 people to order my Missionary
Stew or Gospel CD. And I'd like for my tomato plants to stay in high gear. I'm
such a simple guy. See how easy I am to please?
Fact is, I'll be
satisfied just to keep having you as my friend for another year.
REFUSE TO DO BATTLE
If
we want to find peace, we have to give up our fond wars.
I am sure you know people
who are always upset with someone, some business, some group, some race – just
any old thing will do. They need the adrenalin rush of anger. They need to raise
their voice and raise hell.
Adrenalin is an
addiction. Much worse than nicotine, caffeine, or cocaine. If you don't believe
it, try to stop throwing fits over every little sweat bee that swarms your
gourd.
I quit nicotine and it
was pure hell. But it was a piece of cake compared to tapering off on the
adrenaline.
Anger is nothing but a
habit. Fussing, fretting, stewing and stomping are merely the ways we practice
it.
The best way to start
taming the adrenaline pump is to fall deeply in love with peace. Ask yourself,
"Is this fit going to change anything? Could this be the one that pops me
into a heart attack? Is it really as delicious as feeling good?"
And the answer is
"No."
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