Sunday Journal, 502 words
Still Budding Out
By Dalton Roberts
IPS Features
In
my journal of this date is an announcement of my birth many moons ago. Mother
sent it to my maternal grandmother and it came back into her possession when
Grandmother Woodall died. Dad gave it to me in 1990, a year after mother died.
It's
a cute little card that says, "Just budding out, Roy Dalton Roberts, weight
9 pounds."
One
thing that gets to me is weighing 9 pounds. I am trying to imagine how it would
feel to be that small. Think of how huge adults would look to you. Adler and
Horney believed we start life with an inferiority complex due to being so small
and helpless after birth and that our whole life is spent trying to overcome
those feelings of smallness and helplessness.
I'm
not sure about that but I have no difficulty believing that such a state of
dependence had some kind of effect on us. If I ran up on just one adult on the
street 22 times larger than me, it would strike terror to my mind. That's how
much bigger adults were to you after birth if you were lucky enough to be born
weighing 9 pounds.
But
the part of the announcement that really leaped out at me today was the
"Just Budding Out" part. Am I weird to feel right now, after more than
six decades, that I am still "just budding out"?
So
many of the questions that gripped me as a child are still right there
unanswered on the blackboard of my mind. I still seek answers. Even a bud of an
answer is always welcome.
My
faith is still budding. I haven't reached full flower yet in my spiritual
growth. My hope is still budding. I still dare to ask God for more hopes and
dreams. Like the prayer of Jabez (buy the bok by that title...you will receive
valuable insights) I constantly pray to "enlarge my territory."
I'm
born again. And again.
And again . All the time. Constantly breaking in new diapers.
UNSPEAKABLE
UNDERSTANDING
One
of my life teachers, Vernon Howard, said, "God is not bothered by anything.
After making contact with God, you won't be bothered either. There will just be
understanding and understanding is peace."
You
know, I know what he's saying and yet I can't tell you how or why. An authentic
spiritual experience results in a heart full of understanding and a mute tongue.
Sometimes I wonder if God designed it this way so we would all have to come to
our own knowledge of Reality, Truth and Beauty.
Ever
listened to a song and felt it touch you at a level you found inexpressible?
Ever stood before a majestic painting and thought, "How I wish I could just
describe to one person the beauty I am experiencing right now?" Ever loved
someone so much you knew there were no words to express the intensity and beauty
of what you felt?
Then
you understand.
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