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Rube Goldberg’s Street Plan Rube Goldberg was one of the pioneer newspaper cartoonists in the early 1900’s and drew many strips before his death in 1970. He was the first president of the National Cartoonists Society in 1945. But he is best known for putting a phrase into the American language: “a Rube Goldberg contraption.” He drew intricate diagrams of strings, springs, slides, buckets of water and other devices to perform a small task like the dropping of a marble. What fun Rueben Goldberg would have drawing a
maze of Chattanooga streets now. There
are sidewalks torn up, yellow barrels everywhere and a main artery
viaduct down for years. On
top of this the city fathers are taking two perfectly operational
thoroughfares and making a couple of disastrous scenic routes out of
them. Despite vehement
opposition from various groups and even the state highway department,
the mayor and city council plan to turn McCallie and Bailey from four
lane routes going one way into two way streets.
There would be one lane going each way with a turning lane in the
middle and parking on both sides. It seems to matter not to City Hall that these
streets have been smooth and safe access from down town to Brainerd and
vice versa. Where the logic
of change comes from is baffling. It
makes about as much sense as the barriers put up on streets in Highland
Park a few years ago. This
was supposed to slow crime and drug trafficking, someone said.
They didn’t stay up long. The theory is that once people stop using
McCallie and Bailey for travel they will become booming residential and
business areas. Assuming
someone would want a home in an area where vehicle access is convenient,
why would anyone want to impede the flow?
Assuming someone wanted a business on McCallie or Bailey, why
would they want a location people would avoid?
Avoid? Of course. People
will be using Main Street or any other congested route they can find to
stay away from one lane of traffic on the city’s drawing board. Business, what few are there, will be hurt by
lack of exposure four lanes of people moving would bring. Wally’s Restaurant always has good traffic and customers
find it. Now someone coming
in from Brainerd will have to wait for traffic going in the opposite
direction to turn in. Gordon’s
Cleaners will lose the quick service they can offer motorists swinging
in. First theory was all of both streets would
become two-way, particularly to help businesses on M.L. King.
Now the idea seems to be just to make it two-way in the
residential areas east of Central Avenue.
On Bailey Avenue the main commercial site is the post office, and
they have no need for slower traffic.
On McCallie there are few retail outlets except for a newly
opened antique store. People
living in the area have no need for drivers moving slower in the
neighborhood. There will always be suspicious minds looking
for ulterior motives. We
must assume we have honest elective officials and that they are doing
what’s right for all the people, not just looking after the interests
of at the cost of many. Let’s
just question the logic. Changes to restrict the two most important
arteries in the city will be a disastrous failure, an albatross around
the necks of our officials. It
will make the water wars, which should have been won, seem like a
kindergarten party. A
future administration will have the chore and the expense of changing
streets back. Political
observers say the city officials are committing political suicide over
what should be unimportant, but they can’t back down now.
They have to follow through and changes will be made. Until then, all the drivers in Chattanooga must grin and bear it. Rube Goldberg could help with a street plan. Come through the Brainerd Tunnel heading downtown, take a right on Glenwood and then a left on Third Street. Proceed to Holtzclaw where you must turn left, as the viaduct is missing. Turn right on McCallie since you have avoided the two-way nightmare. Proceed to Lindsay and take a left to arrive at City Hall at 11th and Lindsay. Open the door to City Hall and let a bucket of water empty on your head.
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